Two of my closest friendships were on the fritz when I was 23, one of which never recovered. I’m wise enough to know now that when a friendship/relationship doesn’t work out, each person owns some of the blame. The blame-sharing isn’t always 50-50, but each person plays a part in the ending of a relationship. In the case of me and my friend who never bounced back, I think the issues were mostly my fault.
Our issues were somewhat deep-rooted and started when I became close with my current best friend in college. I think it was hard for her to see me that close to someone else, but she never said that and I didn’t realize it until it was too late. Over time, the relationship was hard to navigate. I felt like I couldn’t mention my other friends around her because I didn’t want her to get upset or start an argument. Our relationship became a series of thing after thing: we were supposed to attend each other’s college graduations; but when mine came around she said she had to work and didn’t come, so when her graduation ceremony was the next week, I didn’t go. After college, she visited me a few times, but my other friends were around, so I’d be stressed out the whole time trying to make sure she didn’t feel neglected.
Over time, our relationship became very strained. One day after not communicating for weeks, she called me and forced me to be honest with her. At the end of the conversation, we decided not to be friends anymore. Part of me was relieved, but part of me was also sad our friendship was over. Looking back, I recognize I was selfish for not being straight up about the way I felt earlier and take responsibility for the role I played in everything.
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