Instead of rehashing a memory or lesson from this past year, I’m going to just write how I’m feeling today. Writing this blog for the past month has really distracted me from being my usual dramatic self around my birthday. I usually do a countdown and bug the heck outta my family and friends by doing the most. This year the weight of turning thirty waited until today to hit me. On my way to work this morning I was a myriad of things: a sex(y) machine while listening to James Brown’s “Get Up,” a trap queen while listening to “Too Much Sauce,” and finally (almost) a crybaby listening to one of my all-time favorites, “Optimistic.”
I feel blessed to be alive, life is fragile and a simple decision like where you decide to go to church or being Black and wearing a hoodie can have dire consequences. Everyone didn’t make it to thirty, but here I am, on the cusp of it.
I once thought I’d have a hard time turning thirty if I didn’t have a family of my own and a career that made me rich and famous, but here I am, no husband, no children or massive wealth but feeling way up and blessed. The young mind has been so brainwashed by society that we feel like we’re supposed to accomplish certain things by a certain age and if you haven’t, something’s wrong with you. The pressure of those expectations can be burdensome and stressful–always looming in the back of your mind, never allowing you a moment of peace. Eff that. Do you boo and take your time if you need to.
I was late on the SZA train, but finally took the time to listen to “Ctrl” in late summer. Of all the great songs on the album, “20 Something” is my favorite. The song speaks to not living up to the expectations of what an adult ‘should’ be, like having a phone in her name; which spoke directly to me ’cause my parents still pay my cell phone bill. Don’t hate me cause you ain’t me. Also, don’t get any ideas Ma and Dad.
SZA ends the song singing a simple prayer over and over, “God bless them 20 somethings, God bless them, God bless them, God bless them.” That’s we (soon to be they) need– prayer. Pray their bodies and dreams are protected and cherished. Pray they believe in the future of a better human race. Pray for their minds and for guidance from above. And if you’re 20 something, 30 something or even 70 something reading this, I pray all the things you work hard for bless you beyond measure.
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