It’s OK to Ask God “Why?”

Despite starting this blog and sharing some of my most vulnerable thoughts with you, I would still say I’m a private person. I don’t overshare on social media, because often when people do, it feels disingenuous. So keeping in that vein, I didn’t say much when my favorite aunt passed last year. She was one of the kindest, funniest, most loving people I knew. She valiantly fought breast cancer for most of my life and was so strong, I never thought she’d die.

Last year I worked with a 78- year-old breast cancer survivor who was about to retire. She was still kicking and was as petty as the day is long. I’d see my co-worker and think, “Auntie Di won’t live to see 78. Why did my coworker make it and my aunt didn’t?” I once heard a preacher say it’s OK to (respectfully) question God. I was shook. Question God? Nah, fam. At the time I was afraid to do it, but as I’ve gotten older, I ask God questions all the time. It’s usually about things I don’t like or have no control over, like my aunt’s breast cancer. He usually doesn’t answer in an expeditious manner, but I know he’s listening and has given me the strength and wisdom to get through whatever is troubling me.

As I donned pins with my aunt’s face on them this morning and eventually wrote this entry, I cried because I miss her. I still don’t understand why it was time for her to leave us, but I do know we were blessed to have her while we did.